Have you been playing gigs and not getting tons of fans to your shows? Have you been searching the internet for an answer and only finding things that don’t work? Yes, get a myspace page, get a facebook page, send out e-mails, spam craigslist, tweet, pretend to be cool, and kiss Bill Gates. That doesn't really work. Here is some other stuff that no one ever tells you about (that won't work either.)
WARNING These methods below should not be used under any circumstances unless you want your band to have even less people show up to your gigs.
Reasons Your Band Should Break Up- Top Ten
Everyone who plays guitar, drums or bass have been in a band at one time or another. Most of these bands suck. Really suck. Maybe you are in a band and you want to know if you should break up. Here is a list of the top ten reasons your band should break up. If any of these apply to you; call it quits.
Click here to Read it!
You want to know how to kick someone out of your band? An e-mail like this is NOT the way to do it. we recently received this e-mail from one of our readers who was kicked out of his band.
We have contacted some of the area's top musicians, song writers, recording engineers, and promoters. We asked them to tell us three of their favorite local bands of 2010. This edition we hear from Michael Fournier, Scott Trottier, and Adam Savage.
Click here to read the story
If you are going to be a guitar player; knowing these are things are a MUST! If you have not read part one- go do that. Things Every Guitar Player Should Know- Part one
Do you have a band? Are you looking to add new members? Here is the perfect way to get the best new band member.
Write down your influences- This will be a list of bands to show how cool you are. Really, your band sounds nothing like them since your band basically sounds like a dead rat singing Lady Gaga in a box of suck. However, this list is used to trick potential bandmates into thinking that you MIGHT be playing some cool music.
Trash past members- Make sure you list in detail why you kicked out your past five bass players. Did they try to sleep with your girlfriend's younger sister's pet goat? Were they not into playing only your songs? Are you a control freak who likes to dress up as Tom Cruise and sing I'm a little tea pot? Whatever the case, make sure you get into details and make yourself look like a winner.
Post songs- Make sure you have a few songs that potential bandmates can listen to on the web. Be sure to communicate the fact that these songs are not the direction you want to go anymore and that you are now wanting to sing 1840's French lullaby's in the style of King Missile 3. Also, the more hideous sounding the better. Did you use just one fisher price mic plugged into a old cassette deck you found at a flea market? PERFECT! And remember, tempo and pitch are for suckers.
Be very specific- make sure you have a list of songs you want the new member to learn. Give an unreasonable time frame for them to learn these songs. A good idea is to come up with 34 songs and have at least 20 of them not feature the particular instrument you are trying to find. For example; Looking for a drummer? Tell them then need to learn all the parts to "It so hard to Say Goodbye" by Boys II Men. looking for a bassist? tell them they need to learn the extremely great bass lines played by the chick in Hanson. Looking for a singer? Direct them to learn Fur Elise.
Follow these simple steps and you too will be able to fill that open position in your band. GOOD LUCK!
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Things Every Guitar Player Should Know
Dear Seven Years Past,
Thank you for contacting us about your band and your music.
Unfortunately we will not be able to provide you with a review as you requested. Although your music is well done, it is not anything that any of our reviewers enjoy. We feel it would be unfair to give your band a bad review based only on the genre of music. So instead we will not be doing a review of the music at all. Just because our writers feel that this music is the spawn of Satan and is all that is bad about music, it does not mean we should publicize that fact. We are sure that there are tons of people who will love this music, mostly people who have no souls. We hear stuff like this on the radio every day..... just not on our I-pod's. Your music will be enjoyed by tons of people, those people are not anyone who read our magazine.
We wish you the best of luck in your endeavors,
The Editorial Staff