A list of ten things that you should never say to the lead singer of your band.

recording board
Written by Benny Grotto of Mad Oak Studios

So your band's recording session is almost here. Ever the consummate professionals, you've gotten your instruments set up and intonated, put on new strings, packed your tuners and power supplies, and replaced your drumheads (you have done those things...right?), and you're all set to go. This ain't your first rodeo.

Not so fast, muchacho.

Happy Hollows @ Crash Mansion (Los Angeles, CA 12-14-2007)
Bands worst Shows- Gigs suck sometimes.

Band: Ivy League Brawlers
Website: www.myspace.com/ivyleaguebrawlers
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

We played a gig supporting a band that we were good friends with at a small hall that put on shows every so often. The show itself was fine, good turnout, people had fun. The trouble started after the gig had finished and we went to get paid.

Busking In BostonTuesday, I take the 9am train into Boston. I wear a slick brown coat and a leopard print fedora. I have my guitar.

I exit on to Park Street.

It’s cold and windy. The black homeless woman who wears a garbage bag suit and blanket is there. She’s ALWAYS there. Every day of the week she chants, “I need foodmoney today! I need foodmoney Today!”

Amp name and model:

Fender Dual Showman red Knob head

1976 Fender Amps & Speakers

Still in production: no

watts: 100

Tube or solid state: Tube

combo or head/cab: head

Styles good for: anything, it's super versatile

Description: super f*cking loud, also has a 25 watt setting. on the 100 watt setting, it overpowers everything at 3 (and isn't driven enough at 3). Sounds fantastic clean (similar to a Fender Twin) but if you drive it, it's not that far off from a JCM800 or similar, except it's got the sparkly highs that those amps don't have and doesn't break all the time. I love it's sounds, versatility, reliability and volume. its only drawback is how f*cking heavy it is, it weighs a ton.

How to Be a Rock Star
By Matt Rosenberg
How to be a Rock star Smashed guitar
They’re at it again. The company brass at http://www.yourband.info are hounding me with a tenacity almost admirable in its urgent vigor. This time, they’ve got their noses planted and edging so far up my colon that I can literally smell what they are smelling as I smell them smelling what I smell—it’s like holding two mirrors up to each other and looking at infinity. Of course I can’t blame them in their persistence, it has been literally months since they commissioned this brief article and, by means of sweetening the deal, furnished me with a sumptuous cash advance which went unceremoniously up my nose—cold season was upon us and it was of utmost importance that I fatten up my dwindling Afrin stash before I began backsliding into a nasty epinephrine habit…I’ve been down that road before and, brothers and sisters, it aint pretty.

Tube Amp Buyers Guide

tube amp orange tiny terrorSo you have a guitar and you have an amp. You have been playing a few years with your solid state crate 1X 12 and you think it might be time to upgrade to a tube amp. But tube amps are scary arn't they? Really complex and hard to work with? Nope!!!!

things all bands shoudl knowWell, when we first started out, we sat down and drew up a whole list of stage antics that we were confident could impress the ladies and media alike. Scoff all you want, but this list single-handedly put us where we are now. I’ll pause a moment to let that sink in. Just follow this list and you too should be on your way to fame.

things your band should know

How Scuffed Should a Stratocaster Be?

guitar strat black and white

I got my first Stratocaster when I was nine years old. It was a "Hank Marvin Copy". It came with a 10 Watt amp and a book that told you how to play all of Status Quo's greatest hits. It had a big smily picture of Hank Marvin stuck on its shiny black paintwork. It was far from cool and it sounded (through that 10 Watt amp) like a small rodent having a protracted attack of the farts. I tried to decipher the strange diagrams in my Quo book to play "In the Army Now". It took about 10 minutes for me to decide that playing guitar wasn't for me.

How Scuffed Should a Stratocaster Be?

Get More Fans

How to get more people at your shows

Have you been playing gigs and not getting tons of fans to your shows? Have you been searching the internet for an answer and only finding things that don’t work? Yes, get a myspace page, get a facebook page, send out e-mails, spam craigslist, tweet, pretend to be cool, and kiss Bill Gates. That doesn't really work. Here is some other stuff that no one ever tells you about (that won't work either.)

WARNING These methods below should not be used under any circumstances unless you want your band to have even less people show up to your gigs.

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