Crunchy Western Boys- Part Two

The Crunchy Western Boys STILL have a show coming up June 15th at the Tupelo Hall in White River Jct.VT. (Man, they ARE media whores aren’t they?) We pick up the interview conducted by a staff member of and Mr. Jarg Hammondjeeze, the bands personal psychiatrist and life-style consultant, well into an afternoon of beer and tequila shots…

(To see the first half of this conversation go here:

Your Band: Mr. Hammondjeeze? …Sir?
Jarg Hammondjeeze: hmmm? Yes?

YB: I think you passed out there for a second…
JH: No, no…I was thinking of a woman…which reminds me, have you heard the boy’s latest record?

YB: ‘Rumourville’? Yes, I have.
JH: No, not that, one! The ‘open container in a school zone’ that Steve allegedly perpetrated!

YB: He was drinking in a school zone?
JH: Well, even being in a band, it can be hard to get a date these days. You know, that reminds me of the time he got engaged to a bear!

YB: A bear…really?
JH: Yeah, we were doing a set at bike week a few years back…man…that guy was really hairy…and, wow! The wives were pissed! …then again, the boys were too!

YB: perhaps we should talk about ‘Rumourville’…
JH: I thought we were! Yes, well, Rumourville, what to say? It took a long time to complete that CD. Between the drinking, the rampant drug use, the complete lack of focus and talent…Oh! Did I mention the pigs?

YB: You said Jim started the band in order to name them?
JH: No, no! These were DIFFERENT pigs! (Laughs) Never mind! We thought we’d never finish. At one point Morris was cribbing lines from ‘Tropic of Cancer’ and the Lisbon phone book…and then Jim found Jesus!

YB: So, he’s born again?
JH: No, no, no…he literally FOUND Jesus! Our neighbor! He was hiding in our bathroom. Nice guy…the hounds never thought so, but he’ll heal. Though I see where you could make that mistake! When those dogs took off after him, I bet he coulda walked on water! (Laughing-yelling at the bartender) Let’s have another tequila shot for Jesus! Heck of a bowler too! So there we were trying to finish up the tracks to ‘Jimmie Rae’s’ and there comes a knock on the door…

YB: And?
JH: Messed up the whole take. Had to start again!

YB: That’s it?
JH: Have you ever made a record?

YB: Uh…no. Who was at the door?
JH: It was the cops. They were arresting Jesus for shooting at the hounds! (Laughs) Who could blame him?

YB: Didn’t the gunshots ruin the take?
JH: (Sighs) you don’t know anything do you? Have another beer…

(ED NOTE: At this point, after some incoherent screaming on the part of Mr. Hammondjeeze, the tape ends due to the machine being doused in beer. The rest is reconstructed from notes taken on cocktail napkins and match books…from a DIFFERENT bar.)

YB: Is there anything else, pertinent to the CD, you’d like to talk about?
JH: Did I mention the producer? Took him forever to get a good snare sound…

YB: I don’t remember hearing a snare on the record
JH: See what I mean? I swear that guy was only in it for the pay-check.

YB: Who produced the CD?
JH: Huh? Oh…that was me…they’re a talentless bunch of hacks I tell ya…and their lifestyles? Oh. My. God.

YB: Can you elaborate?
JH: Well…I probably shouldn’t. Not with that Doctor/Patient thingy… Aaaah, what the heck! Those dim-wits can barely read…and, anyway, they still owe me money! Let me think: There’s Jim…how do I put this? Have you ever read ‘Lolita’? Morris is turning his life into a chapter by chapter re-enactment of ‘Women’, and Jacob is writing his own ‘Basketball Diaries.’

YB: What about Steve?
JH: Weeeell…keeping with the literary references, have you ever read ‘The Old Man and the Sea’?

YB: Are you saying Steve is working through mortality issues while struggling with personal and spiritual decline?
JH: No! It’s a boring book! THAT’s what I meant…you gonna drink that?

YB: Let’s re-focus: This CD marks the first lead vocals for both Jacob and Steve…tell us, how did that come to pass?
JH: Kidnapping is still illegal right?

YB: uh…
JH: No matter, let’s just say that Jacob and Steve hatched a little plan…of course these things rarely work out. Who knew there were so many Manning’s out there? Anyway, after a bit of trial and error, they ‘persuaded’ Morris to let them sing a couple of his songs. Morris had his revenge in the end though!

YB: How do you mean?
JH: (chuckles)…I mean, really, have you ever seen Jacob dance or Steve get a date? Hey! That reminds me! Have you heard the boy’s latest record?

YB: I think we’ve covered that…
JH: Oh? Perhaps more drinks are in order…
Check out the Crunchy Western Boys…if you dare!
Tupelo Music Hall, June 15th White River Jct. VT
Gig schedule:

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